Admittedly, the whole "Successories" thing seems to have run its mid-'90s course. That doesn't mean that there's no perfectly good reason to continue to produce satirical imagery (Despair.com's raison d'être).

Thus, I present to you some of my own mediocre "prints," originally inspired by a now-defunct thread on the Something Awful forums:

Creating these images was also an excuse to show off some of my photography, though I'm pretty sure a retouched photo of a demolished cube farm isn't the most arresting thing you'll ever see.

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While researching hemorrhoids, I had the (mis)fortune to stumble upon analpaintrial.com. Yes, that's anal pain trial. Dot com. Which immediately conjures up the image of a dank dungeon echoing glitchy industrial music, poorly lit with flickering torches and lined with a gauntlet of leather-clad monstrosities just waiting to...talk to you about Rectogesic.

All right, maybe I'm the only one cursed with such a...vivid, yes, vivid...imagination, but earlier in the year, I could have used some Rectogesic myself. (I swear, there's something curious taking place in my nether regions.) Instead, I got Anucort, which isn't a bad product in itself, though I'm reminded of a "funny" story...

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I used to have a bad terrible, terrible habit of reading, doing crossword puzzles, playing games on my mobile, etc., while I was on the can.

I used to enjoy sneaking away for a good 10, 15 minutes of my day, alone with my thoughts (and crossword book) and the porcelain throne. The last few weeks, however, I'd grown to dread confronting that looming beast of a seat: the combination of poor diet and excessive sitting had manifested itself as a thrombosed hemorrhoid.

But wait! There’s more! »