Then again, maybe Hunter Fan really does suck.

Today, I spent over 10 minutes on hold — I know this because every three minutes, I was reminded that after 6 minutes, I could leave a voice message and someone would get back to me within 72 hours.

Oh no, you’re not getting rid of me that easily!

Maybe I should explain the issue: Back in ‘04, I bought two Hunter Grand Lodge ceiling fans. Both worked exceptionally well and looked great. One of the features of this fan is its remote control, which allows you to activate the lights or change fan speeds without having to endure getting off your butt and flipping a switch or something.

Honestly, I don’t care about that: the reason we went with the Grand Lodge is because it simply fit our décor better than any other fan available at the time. The remote was an added bonus, mostly because in addition to being portable, it also came with a cradle you could affix to your wall plate, thus, in effect, giving you the best of both worlds.

Recently, we bought two new Grand Lodge fans. At the same time, and from the same store. In fact, one was sitting on top of the other on the shelf. Upon inspection, however, the fans contained two different receivers and two different remotes. No big deal, right? Ha!

Both remotes are electronically sound — they turn the lights on and off and allow you to alter the fans’ speed (or turn them off). However, one fan’s remote actually stays in its cradle when you press the buttons. The other one slides around and ultimately falls out, hitting the floor (or your toes) while mocking you relentlessly.

What’s the deal with this?! So I called Hunter. Now you’re all caught up.

Essentially, they told me it was all my fault. Very politely, mind you, but all my fault nonetheless. Because they weren’t having the same ergonomic issue as I was, they deemed that no problem existed, and that I could suck it. I asked to speak to a supervisor. Three hours later, someone else from Hunter called.

And repeated the same schtick, though with a new condescending admonishment:

The cradle is only meant as a place to remember where you left the remote; it doesn’t function like one of our wall units.

What? Then why did the last incarnations of your remote, in effect, function like one of your wall units? Why is it so hard to understand that I just want a remote that doesn’t fall off the wall whenever I think about maybe looking at it sometime later in the week, maybe next month if things get really busy?

So I broke down and forked over the $15 for a “new” remote in the older, functional style. And another $3 for the cradle, which, presumably, they weren’t going to tell me about until I asked if the remote would still function with the existing receiver. Plus taxes and shipping: $25.50 in all.

I should have asked to speak to another supervisor.

All in all, I guess my point is this: If you’re a lazy slob who wants to hold the fan’s remote in your greasy, oversized mitts (when you’re not funneling Cheetos down your fetid, rancid maw), then by all means, invest in the new Grand Lodge! If you’re slightly less sessile and actually don’t mind occasionally getting off your duff and pressing a button, stay away from anything with Hunter’s new, worthless remotes — though I’m sure they’d be happy to sell you a wall unit.

Or just buy a fan without a remote in the first place. If Hunter had offered something with aesthetics paralleling those of the Grand Lodge, I would have opted for that model in a heartbeat.

In conclusion, I’m no longer a “fan” (HURR!) of Hunter Fan.