I think most of us have had them. Anyone who hasn’t is probably an android lacking emotion subroutines and pumped full of heroin.
We’re talking about Bad Days. And I’ll be the first to admit that, as far as days go, it wasn’t that bad — on the surface, anyway. Actually, I think I react better to those kinds of bad days than I do to the existential bad days, where an epiphany sneaks up behind you and wraps a garrote made from rusty piano wire around your neck and chokes you until you’re forced to admit:
“I hate my job.”
It’s not so much the scope of my job (well, yes, it is) so much as it is the environment. No, that’s not it, either. Or maybe it is. Maybe I’ve stopped caring. When three of your closest co-workers (who also happened to be your cubemates) disappear (two from the axe, one from apparently having his own epiphany) in less than 6 months, it puts a damper on your morale. Sort of like putting an iceberg on a smoldering match.
Granted, there are still some great people there — and there are still some…less than great people there. I think I’m finally realizing that while I enjoy the “spirit” of what my job requires of me, I really, really dislike the “letter” of the same. To paraphrase one of my departed compatriots: “You can only animate so many flying servers…”
And there are the perks and benefits. I didn’t realize how heavily such anchors were weighing on me until maybe today, but when better than seventy-five percent of your time on — and a sizeable portion of it away from — the job somehow almost physically sucks the very life out of you, something’s gotta give.
6 comments so far
Man, I remember feeling that way. I’m always divided on such things — for one, I think work is just that: work. And that’s why they have to pay you to do it (because, otherwise, you wouldn’t do it yourself).
On the other hand, when the work environment itself changes (i.e., when an otherwise decent job suddenly becomes painful due to budget cuts, management changes, “resource actions” or market trends), it makes it hard to adjust. The good news is that there IS greener grass elsewhere; the bad news is that it’s not all as green as it looks.
I’ve worked with a great team, too, and thoroughly enjoyed it; it’s hard to give that up.
The weird thing is that when I first walked into the office as a new hire, I felt like the job was a great fit — and it definitely turned out to be just that. The people were great, the work was challenging but rewarding, and the goals of the group as a whole were focused on making things better and exceeding its clients’ expectations. But after a few management changes, physical desk moves, business focus shifts, etc., one day I realized that if I were looking at a job with the same department today, and had walked in and seen the work environment as it was right then, I simply wouldn’t have applied.
My own outlook and work ethic hadn’t changed much, but the department around me was like many I had skipped over in interviews before — quiet, flourescent cubes not even half full of people more worried about keeping their jobs and meeting tight budgets than making their mark on the rest of the company.
On the other hand, globalization and internationalization seem to be working: Large corporations have taken what they’ve learned in third-world sweatshops and low-wage factories, and brought it back to the rest of us. Thanks, Mr. Business Guru!
You know, I honestly hadn’t thought of things like that — it’s not so much me changing (though I’m sure I have, to some degree) as it is the business changing (and not for the better).
I guess part of me wants to find something that’s as close to how it “used to be” as possible — allowing, of course, for the inevitability that things are never like they used to be.
So true. I know the environment of which you speak. That was once a place that would really let you grow. Now, it’s a place that you hope you don’t get noticed. You can always fall back to the idea that it’s your perception of your environment that leads to your reaction to it…so, change your perception, and the place doesn’t seem so bad, but in this case, it’s clearly a justification for inaction. My prediction is that it’s only going to get worse as the business year starts to pick up steam and the production cycle goes into full force. You are secure there for now, but that place doesn’t deserve someone of your talent, not if they’re squandering it on flying servers.
Wow, I never wanna work at that place…Sounds like it sucks.
You pretty much called it, sooky. Say hello to Zach for me, k?
poor Zachy is in rehab ):
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